MademoiselleD4390's blog

Today has been one year since i am with my most wonderful bf...i cant believe that the year pass by so quickly anyways he disobeyed me in that i told him not to come yet he came to vist HOW RUDE!!!! (I love u too sexy) lol so we spent some time together since my class didnt start till 3:30 we didnt do anything special since my home town is so damn boring...well i got 12 roses n the bad thing is that i didnt get him anything :[ but ill make it up to him...hehe :] o i almost forgot that he gave me a card and it reads thus:


Baby...I can't believe its already 1 year we've
been together. i know we have had our ups
& downs but the other times when we are
happy just makes up for it any day. I've
never been happier with anyone than you.
With all that we've been through, it hasn't
changed my mind about wanting to be with
you forever, cuz baby, I love you so much you
can't even imagine. I believe your are the
one for me, you make me the happiest
man alive, there's more i want to say but i am
running out of space here lol... but we have
the rest of our lives and lots more anniversaries
for me to share my feelings with...this is just
the beginning heh heh :) I LIV YA BABY XOXO



aww isnt he sweet??!!!! lol and on this special day of ours i jus hope we will have many many many many more anniversaries ahead for us!!! :)

why do i feel so sad??? out of no where i would break down n cry like now sigh...am i goin crazy??? wats bothering me?? is it cuz im stressed??? fuck idk i feel like crap n treating my bf like crap too....my heart hurts cuz im not only being cold but being a bitch to the one i love..i recall saying to him on sunday "are we only kidding ourselves that everything is ok"... it came out of no where n now he has a diff perception of what i do or say cuz of wat i said...i really wish i could kno y i said it...is it my way of saying that we not solving our problems b4 moving on??? i remember when we were in ohio at the theme park we waited to ride the son of the beast n for almost the entire wait we didnt say anything to each other...like we dont kno each other anymore lmao i felt disgust then but i understand that whenever we r upset well me i guess its best to shut the hell up n we both tend to distance ourselves lol so weird huh??? i felt hurt but i kno he felt hurt too cuz when i do distance myself i can b very cold n ppl wont like it...its not my fault lol cuz there is always a cause for me to do that but then i can always learn to control it....i guess not everything i can control or is it that i jus dont want to control it...his perceptions of me now is part of my fault but i cant do anything to change it rite?? unless i can go back in time lo....anyways i also told him that i dont want to get married until i can cook..does that make sense or is it jus dumb??....i felt useless after spending 11 days with him cuz i cant even cook he has to cook for me lol is it cuz im jealous i cant cook?? i dont think so or maybe or there is another reason that i cant think of?? lol u wants a useless wife?? if i was a guy i wouldnt want one lol
i really want this relationship to work but it seems as if its breaking apart cuz of me i guess lol its like everytime we talk about the future it sounds as if our relationship will end cuz i will b goin to france n he will b here running a store with his parents...it will end if dont try to maintain it but im not givin up cuz he's the one im sure of who i want to spend my entire life with even if it meant suffering...if we both try n somehow it doesnt work then it comes to the only outcome of going our separate ways i jus really hope that we will b happy with whoever we chose to spend the rest of our life with n that we will always succeed in watever we do =D

On the 6th of May my bf n i departed from jm to ohio...it was a whole day flight which was very very tiring we had connecting flights sigh so we flew from jm to miami then from miami to chicago n then from chicago to ohio...so far the trip is nice but my baby got sick from the orange juice he had on the plane lol he had diarrhea well still do lol i feel sorry for him sigh i dont even kno how to take care of him how bad of me huh!!!!....anyways the trip was friggin awesome since i get to spend 11 days with huzzy..u kno wat that means???!!! hehe 11 days of...jk =] i met some of his friends which i felt a connection with only one...i felt sorry for most of his friends since i didnt socialize much they must think im weird lmao maybe i am weird =[....
The day after we reached we went shopping SHOPPING ShOpPiNg n the day after more shoooppppiingg lol on saturday his friend evan came to visit that nite we went to the movies with a guy name greg n his sis...though i dont kno them they seem nice n of course friendly...for some reason greg made me feel more at ease than when we were with only evan idk y but im tryin to figure it out.... On Sunday we went to OWU for greg's grad but sadly we didnt stay after it was finished to congratulate him however we did see him walk to claim is certificate....apart from goin shopping we went to the theme park known as King's Island i had lots of fun but their were a few awkward moments...
In ohio i felt that i didnt fit in but i did try to however i failed so maybe it wast meant for me to fit in at all...i was homesick after a few days =[ so ive been missing my parents but i had to suck it up cuz im getting older n i have to move out one day...i still cant understand how can u miss the persons that make ur life like hell??!! lol....im not using being away from my parents for long but i have to get use to it huh =[ i thought about alot of stuff when i was in ohio like how the F... im goin to manage when i go france.... would i come back immediately?? or would i suck it up till the end? i guess ill find out one day...for the 11 days with jeff i realized that living wit him is great i would have lots n lots of fun n i cant wait to move in together well i hope we will one day if not i hope that we will both b happy...although he did call me a bitch hmph yes we all kno i am one...prob the biggest one too lol rite jeffrey??? hehe... sometimes i wonder how is that the person who makes u the happiest person alive can make u b the saddest person??? why is that so?? is it bcuz u love the person so much that u dont expect them to say something that hurts so whenever he/she say something bad it crushes u so deep that it feels like ur heart is broken into pieces??? FUCK!! am i making any friggin sense lmao well at least im trying...

im reading a book entitled 'love the one your with' n so far this book really got my thoughts goin wild!!! do we still have feelings for our ex? if we do wat must we do? ive been asking myself would my feelings for my ex come back when i c him?? wat will i do if it does?? should i ignore it or should i not n end up hurting my self n my bf? ive seen one of my ex but no emotions resurfaced n i kno that if i c my 2nd ex i would not feel the emotions we once shared but ill feel guilt cuz i hurt him =[ hey its not my fault i wasnt happy so i had to do something =D anyways my bf makes me the happiest person on earth...i have never been so close n intimate with a person b4 n i think i would b hurt badly if we were to go our separate ways bcuz ive fallen so deep for him....its like i reached the point of no return...i prob would mope for a couple weeks then get my life back on track cuz we cant always have what we want...even if its to sacrifice for his happiness with someone else i would let go cuz as long as he is happy i will b happy...lets say,if he was to become my ex n we started dating others n its been years since ive seen him then one day i saw him somewhere would my feelings come back? how would i feel?...i would have to say yes my feelings for him will slowly surface n i would probably feel a bit anxious or happy to c him again...but is it worth it to go back to him after so many years? n ur already happy with someone else...no its not worth it!! peoples feelings for their ex resurface cuz they cannot seem to forget about their special moments they shared with each other n always wishing they could have what they use to have...the joy, the excitement, the love, the adventure etc...would i really sacrifice my new life n happiness for someone who's in my past?? me never!! i guess some ppl will go back to ur ex cuz they loved them very much or they were their first love, or they simply cant resist but wouldnt u end up hurting urself more since u kno that the outcome will b bad? its like goin back to where u guys first broke up but its worst cuz u lost twice more than u did n will feel twice more pain...

awwwwwwwwww look at my lil cutie pie 'Angel' she's so chubby n fluffy lol...she was born on January 10, 2009 n yes today she is 2 months...my lil sugar is mixed with dachshund, chihuahua and shitzu... wat a combination rite? lol she's so tiny n cute!!!! we bought her for charlie so she's charlie's lil girlfriend lol she's a big sleepyhead like daddy =D i jus hope she doesn't turn out to be as rude as charlie...